Relaxation - Infertility Insight

What is the relaxation response? The relaxation response, discovered by the inspirational author and Harvard cardiologist, Herbert Benson, M.D., represents a hard-wired antidote to the fight or flight response. It is a set of integrated physiological changes that are elicited when a subject engages in a repetitive mental activity and passively ignores distracting thoughts.  The relaxation response corresponds to a physical portion of the brain (located in the hypothalamus) which—when triggered—sends out neurochemicals that almost precisely counteract the hypervigilant response of the fight or flight response.  When we follow the simple steps necessary to elicit the relaxation response, we can predictably measure its benefits on the body. These include: a decrease in blood pressure, diminished respiratory rate, lower pulse rate, diminished oxygen consumption, increase in alpha brain waves (associated with relaxation), and in many cases, an improved sense of mental and spiritual well-being.  You may experience this as a growing equanimity regarding the circumstances of your life, regardless of conception.  You may experience a spontaneous joy and a sense of happiness and well being.  You may experience new ideas about how you may become a parent. You may experience lability of thought and have a sense of limitless potential.  You may experience a deepening and fulfilling relationship with yourself and your loved ones. You may experience sleeping soundly.  You may actually experience (and not avoid, project or embody) the resounding grief you feel having not conceived. You may experience a deep feeling of gratitude for what you do have in your life. Because the relaxation response is hard-wired, we do not need to believe it will work (just like conception), any more than we need to believe our leg will jump when the doctor taps our patellar tendon with a little red hammer. The relaxation response is a physiologic response, and as such, there are many ways to elicit it, just as there are many ways to increase our pulse rate (another physiologic response). We must take the time to exercise our relaxation response “muscle.” The solution to overactivation of our fight or flight response is simple: when we take the time to exercise our relaxation response “muscle” we will enjoy the beneficial physiological, biochemical and mental effects. These beneficial effects are measurable whether we believe in the relaxation response or not. Some people do experience immediate emotional calm and tranquility when they learn to elicit the relaxation response, but others do not. We cannot measure the effectiveness of the relaxation response based on how it feels. Dr. Benson likens this to brushing our teeth. We know brushing is “good” for us, whether we feel it works or not. Feeling good is an added benefit. The most important thing is to actually take the time and discipline necessary to elicit the relaxation response. Once elicited, the benefits to our overstressed physiology and biochemistry will be experienced. Additionally, we bypass the fear and anxiety that so quickly narrows our perceptions and infects our beliefs with suspicion and doubt. How do we elicit the relaxation response? There are many ways to elicit the physiologic benefits of the relaxation response. The easiest is with a simple two-step method as follows: 1. Focus on the breath as it enters and then leaves your body. 2. When you find your mind has wandered or you notice any intrusive thoughts entering your mind, simply disregard them and return your focus to the breath. Be aware that your mind will tend to wander and thoughts will enter your mind. This is normal. Just allow those thoughts to pass through your mind like a summer breeze passes through an open window. The second step above is related to our ability to “let go” of intrusive thoughts or excessive worries. Dr. Benson says “to summon the healing effects of the relaxation response, you need to surrender everyday worries and tensions.” This gets our harried minds out of the way of our body’s natural ability to heal. It’s funny to watch the tricks our mind plays on us. It will try to tell us things like: “This is stupid, why am I sitting here doing this?” “I hope no one sees me here meditating.” “This will never work.” “That’s it, I’m going to quit now.” When you realize your mind has wandered, just let go of the thought and return back to your breath! Remember, whether your mind wanders or your thoughts drift, simply practicing the two steps above will elicit the relaxation response and deliver beneficial physiologic and emotional benefits as predictably as flipping a light switch causes the light bulb to shine. The key to deriving the benefits of the relaxation response is to practice it daily. Dr. Benson recommends at least 10 to 15 minutes, once to twice a day. This will produce the maximum benefit. Treat the relaxation response the same way you treat brushing your teeth. Do it because you know it is good for you. Don’t worry whether you think you had a “good relaxation response” or not. You wouldn’t say to yourself: “That was a good tooth brushing!” would you? Whether you “felt” it was a calming, relaxing experience or not, the physiologic benefits of doing the relaxation response are measurable, predictable and repeatable. The quieting of the mind that results from eliciting the relaxation response is critical in order to open up our perceptual world, away from negativity and fear. This freedom allows us to be more awake, more aware and more conscious of the attitudes and beliefs we choose when living our daily lives. Are there other ways to quiet the mind? Because the relaxation response is a physiologic response (like our heart rate or respiratory rate), there are many ways to elicit it, just as there are many ways to increase our heart rate. They include: 1. During any repetitive exercise such as walking, swimming or running, repeat your “focus word” or phrase with each step or stroke. For example, when I run, with each step I might say “peace” or “love.” 2. Practicing yoga, with its mental focus on postures and breathing, can elicit the relaxation response. 3. Deep diaphragmatic breathing exercises, with a focus on the breath, can trigger the relaxation response. 4. Progressive muscle relaxation techniques, where you alternately contract and then relax each muscle group moving progressively from head to toe, will elicit the beneficial effects of the relaxation response. 5. Repetitive forms of prayer elicit the relaxation response. 6. Singing or chanting your focus word or phrase, either silently or out loud, will elicit the relaxation response. 7. Mindfulness meditation, a method that comes from Buddhist philosophy and involves merely “observing” or “noticing” things, will elicit the relaxation response. For example, we may walk down the street and say, “My feet are touching the pavement, right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot. I notice the tree ahead. The top branches are swaying in the breeze. I’m feeling thirsty. My body is sweating. My feet are on the grass now. The grass is soft.” By simply noticing our experience and naming it, without judging or evaluating whether it is good or bad, we tap into a source of active meditation that elicits the relaxation response. Instead of having one single focus word or phrase, the world around us and the world of feelings within us become our focus phrase. The key is to simply notice our world and our feelings. No judgements of good, bad, right, wrong, lazy, weak, strong, kind, mean, etc. are given any attention. This is similar to simply disregarding any intrusive thoughts. Emotional mindfulness might sound like: “I am feeling sad. Tears are welling up in my eyes. I am remembering the hurt I felt when I left home that day. My stomach is growling. I feel my body shaking. I am feeling sad again.” Notice there is only the simple acknowledgement, recognition and naming of the feeling or event. Any judgements about our feelings are to be passively disregarded with a return of one’s mental focus to the observation or naming of emotions or bodily sensations. (For more information on mindfulness, read the remarkable work of Jon Kabat-Zinn in his books Full Catastrophe Living and Wherever You Go, There You Are.) Other simple ways to quiet the mind. In addition to the above “formal” methods for quieting our mind, there are infinite informal ways to quiet the mind.  We don’t have to make it complicated. We can take a walk on the sandy beaches and listen to the crashing waves. We can go into the forest at night, where we hear nothing but the sound of crickets. Take a warm bath. Walk by a creek and listen to the running water. We need to “practice” quiet moments whenever we have the chance. Quieting our mind follows awareness and attention. When we become aware that we are rushing in our heads, we stop, breathe and take a quiet moment of reflection. With practice, quieting our restless thoughts becomes automatic. When first learning a formal technique for quieting the mind, be patient with yourself.  Their effectiveness comes from repetition and practice. In order to consciously choose the attitudes and beliefs which are most empowering, we must learn to quiet our mind and quiet our body. By eliciting the relaxation response, we can stop the mind chatter, allowing us to move out of our strategic mind into the quiet mind, capable of conscious awareness and attention. The quiet mind opens up our perceptions and frees us to make the most positive choices regarding our lives. In this sense, the mind is likened to a pond of water. Restless thoughts are like pebbles thrown into the water. They send out a ripple of activity, disturbing the tranquil surface. When the water is constantly agitated with restless thoughts, we cannot see clearly to the bottom of the pond, which represents our inner wisdom. When we stop the restless thoughts, we calm the waters, enabling us to see clearly to the bottom—where our wisest, most enlightened self resides.  Where the circumstances of our lives do not determine our well being.